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Every year for the past 7 years, Peter and I have held an enormous Easter egg hunt. In our living room. It’s an amazing time and one of the things we look forward to most each year, if only because it lets us reconnect with friends we seldom are able to see otherwise.

But the past two years, something terrible has happened right around that time.

Two years ago, we opted to have the hunt the weekend after Easter, to let people visit with their family on the holiday (and to take advantage of post-Easter candy sales). It was a terrible idea.

The Thursday before we were to have the party, I found out that Alicia was very, very sick. I flew to San Francisco that same day and we put party plans on hold (obviously). Eventually, we did have the party about a month later, if only as a way to help me shake my unspeakable sadness.

Last year, we learned from our mistake and held the party on Peter’s birthday, well before Easter, partly because the year anniversary of Alicia’s death was just before Easter. Thank goodness we did because I got my diagnosis on Holy Thursday, the day before Alicia’s anniversary, and the Easter egg hunt would have been cancelled, with no hope of rescheduling in the face of so much sadness, fear and surgery.

This might sound like everything revolves around this silly party, but in reality, it’s the opposite. The party is now a tradition, and like any tradition, it serves to remind us of the past, good and bad. It’s just coincidence that two of the worst things to happen to me as an adult happened to occur around the same time as a holiday party, but now those events are all inextricably linked.

Now that we are approaching Easter, the party, and everything that goes with it, I am trying to be as positive as I can about this time (because I’m sure I will have some major sadness/flashbacks at some point). I’m trying to get excited about planning the party, seeing our friends and sharing this with Emmie for the first time. And we WILL be holding it on Easter, April 8th! No delays this year!

Another thing I am doing to give this a positive spin is raising money for Hope for Two: Pregnant with Cancer. They helped me so very much through my diagnosis that I want to be able to help them, now that I am able to. Everything is still in the early stages, but the idea of being able to give this wonderful organization financial support so they can help other women like me makes me so, so happy.

Stay tuned!