Emmie and I have spent the last couple of weeks trying to build new routines supported by friends and family. I can’t thank everyone enough for the great outpouring of support we’ve received. This is such a challenging transition as Emmie and I make decisions about what the future holds and how to confront those mounting obstacles to a sustainable life with a partial family unit. I need to go back to work. I need to be able to take Emmie to school, teach my students, pick her up, feed her dinner, and still be able to support her emotionally and developmentally at all hours of the day. All while challenged by lingering brain injury. Life is hard. Life is not fair. I think most of us know that pretty well by now, but we get by with the help of our community of family and friends. We rely on them (you) in these challenging times most of all. Thank you for being there for us to rely on.
I’ve been keeping busy. Apparently at the cost of avoiding my emotions. I was caught unaware when my closest friend told me it’s OK to miss Shannon. I’m supposed to miss her. I tell everyone we’ve had so much time to prepare for this. I’m ok. I expected this… I’m not. I miss her. I was struck with such a profound sense of loss in those moments that I was essentially rendered speechless. Gasping for breath between sobs for the better part of an hour. Shannon’s gone. We’ll never get her back. Loss. We move on by necessity, but our lives will never be the same.
Life goes on for the rest of us. Life. What I believe to be the greatest gift that can be given. If given in love, supported by love, surrounded by love. Shannon knew this. She shared that love willingly and fully with those around her. We do the same in her stead. A new life. New adventures. Caring for those in our lives, for the world around us. Making it better. One interaction at a time. Continuing to love. Sharing our love. For her. For all of us.
Bill Casey said:
Thank you for being brave to talk about your feelings and what your going through. It is not easy. I know. It was exactly 13 years ago I lost my wife. Shannon was there 3 weeks before she passed, at our wedding…celebrated after 17 years together. So…Now I have to share with you: You are a member of a club! One which you and I are together in, and which we never knew existed ..and we would share.
You are not alone. It is not only ok to Feel the loneliness…it is better to talk about it too. Thank you for doing this. It is why we are family…! Love you and Emmie and want to reach out to you and tell you….we will get through it and do what Shan wanted us to do: not mourn but be the best we can be for Emmie.
(((((((LOVE IS THE ANSWER)))))))
((((((((PETER AND EMMIE))))))))
((((((ONE MOMENT ONE DAY AT A TIME)))))))
(((((((MEMORIES. FAMILY. SHARING. LOSS. JOY.))))))))
((((((SUNSHINE AND SHADOWS)))))))))
(((((((IT’S OK TO CRY… BE ANGRY… BE SAD)))))
All these emotions are natural. It’s ok to feel them..and share them.. Being brave is not stuffing our pain. Its living and loving in spite of them… Shannon taught us that… You have a full plate for sure.. But we are all at the table with you.. If you need more love.. Just say.. Hey! Pass the love! Pass the carpool! Pass the hugs.. Whatever you need..
It’s hard.. But try to be easier on yourself.. You’re dealing with a lot.. And there will be easy times and rough times… But you WILL get past.those days.. It may not seem like it now.. There is a void in your life that no human could have prepared for.. No book.. Or guru can tell how to. Not miss Shannon… All i know is there is power in love and in numbers.. Please. Feel our collective love and support.. In those quiet and painful times.. We are all here at the table with. Unlimited helpings of love.
((((((SHANNON. IS LOVE IN EVERY. BREEZE. THE LEAVES AND TREES.. THE SNOW FALLING DOWN… BOISTEROUS JOY..AND THE ABSENCE OF SOUND.. YOU MAY NOT SEE HER PHYSICAL FACE. BUT SHE FILLS EVERY SPACE)))))))
Diane & Todd xoxoxo said:
Once again, so profound and true, Netty. Your words help more than one. I can personally attest to that.
We miss her too! I was just thinking of Shannon when I heard a radio story about a guy who “invents languages” for movies and TV – including the grammar, phonology, articulation (think Klingon). I immediately thought – “oh, I have to tell Shannon about his book”… *sigh*
Diane & Todd xoxoxo said:
My heart and mind ache for you, Peter. Especially today. And for the whole family.
I wish I could fix this for you – to make it so she is here and that this never happened. But, of course keep all the great stuff only!!
I know reality though and it’s a bi*ch when this kind of horrific and profound loss occurs. Never ever saying that I know how any _other_ person truly feels. For each person’s feelings and thoughts are unique unto only them. And a personal hell is a personal hell.
Your bravery, grace and love, are so evident, in the way you’re keeping busy but also in the moments where you have to ‘go there’ and feel the loss – and do anything you need to do for you to move through those times.
I’m so fortunate – both Todd and I – to have in our own small way, been allowed to experience this road with you through all of your guys’ writings and FB posts.
Take good care today and will be thinking of you guys today as I always do.