As I’ve said before, I lost a lot of weight after having Emmie & interferon, although it doesn’t appear to be for any concerning reasons. Within the past couple weeks, it seems like I’ve started losing even more. Still nothing concerning, but I think I’m realizing why. Here’s my “diet,” although I heartily do NOT recommend it:

• Start as a slow eater. I have always, always, always been a slow eater. I can remember one time where someone finished their meal after me, and obviously that was quite a memorable experience! I take small bites, chew a lot, talk a lot during the meal, and generally don’t hurry. Even when I TRY to eat faster, I’m still super slow. This, in itself, is apparently thought to be helpful for weight loss, although it doesn’t look foolproof. But it will be helpful for the next steps to really shed those pounds.
• Have a baby/toddler. I started with nursing, which many people swear is the key to post-partum weight loss, but I don’t think it’s the only thing that pushed me down this path. As soon as Emmie started eating solids in addition to breast milk, suddenly I had a LOT more food planning to do, which I’ve never been good at. Plus, if you’ve never been around a hungry baby/toddler, they redefine “urgent.” Mama, you’d better have that snack ready NOW! Combined with my poor food planning skills, this meant a lot of last minute scrambling for food for Emmie, which often meant less time for me to prepare food for myself, or even THINK about being hungry myself. As she’s gotten older and is eating table food, I often end up giving her my food, so I don’t even know how much I’m eating myself (food from Mama’s plate is more delicious, you know). I’m also just generally so busy chasing after her that I don’t have those “I’m bored/hungry” snacks that I used to have when I had time to think. The slow eater bit is coming into play more now too.

  In a typical meal, I prepare our plates (as she signs MORE! or DRINK! or YOGURT! or AVOCADO!), then as we eat, she often signs for “more” of my food, which means I have to cut it into little pieces, which taks time. I take a bite or two, then she signs for “drink.” God forbid her cup stays on her tray (she insists it stay on the table with everyone else’s drinks), so I have to keep ferrying it back at forth at her whim. Then she wants more food, maybe even at a pace faster than I can keep up with (if I precut then food, it’s pretty much a guarantee she won’t want any and I’ll have to eat a meal of tiny bites). Another bite or three for me. Then her drink, which she then tosses of the floor. Retrieve drink, shoo Jasper, another bite or two. This keeps going until she summarily dismisses any food remaining with an “all done” wave of her hand as she starts to stand up in her high chair (yes, we really need to strap her in better!). I have to race to get the washcloth to clean her up before she decides she is REALLY done. After she is cleaned and out of the chair, I get to finish whatever food I can before Jasper starts discovering the oatmeal on her pants or Emmie starts climbing the stairs. Being a slow eater (above), this means I don’t eat nearly as much as I used to.

• Be afraid of your food. OK, so this is a gross overstatement, but there is a kernel of truth (food pun!). Before you get diagnosed with cancer, you can read all those studies and think, “Man! EVERYTHING causes cancer!” and just shrug it off and keep eating your Cheetos. After you have cancer, you see all the headlines and think, “Man! EVERYTHING CAUSES CANCER!!!” and then throw away the Cheetos because that neon orange “flavor” is DEFINITELY going to bring back the cancer, because if that shit doesn’t cause cancer, what does? (Turns out, freaking ORGANIC BROWN RICE. And what’s REALLY freaking me out, in spite of reasonable articles like this one, is that real scientific studies have shown a causational link between high levels of arsenic and melanoma. Like, “Risk of melanoma with increasing toenail arsenic content was almost seven times greater for those with a prior skin cancer diagnosis.” Which makes me really want to cut out the rice in my diet). This usually makes me second guess things I normally would have eaten without a second thought,

So there you have it! A strongly un-recommended way to lose some weight. Basically, stop eating as much and run around after a toddler, with a generous helping of worry about the food you DO eat!