, , , ,

I had an oncology appointment today. The awesome thing? That’s about the most exciting part. Pretty much nothing happened (which is GREAT). He asked all the questions, felt my lymph nodes and tapped my stomach to feel for organs and things, and went over my clean imaging, and had nothing to say except “See you in 4 months.” Sweet!

The other good news is that my weight was back up to where it’s been for a while, after a brief dip into numbers I literally cannot remember seeing in my adult life (I lost a few more pounds after Emmie brought home some lovely digestive virus that both Peter and I got). For most people, seeing low numbers on the scale would make them thrilled (and it would have made a former me thrilled too!). But now it just makes me vaguely uneasy. I’m getting more and more comments about the weight I’ve lost (mostly compliments), which should make me feel great, but usually only serves to remind me that looking thin=sick=cancer.

The funniest part, though, is that while yes, I am 20 pounds lighter than I was when I got pregnant with Emmie (and while I wasn’t super thin then, I wasn’t at a point where I *needed* to lose 20 pounds), so even though I lost a LOT of weight after having Emmie, I really have been quite stable at that lower weight for many months now. So I’m worrying over nothing, basically. Today the doc even pulled up my weight from my last visit, 4 months ago, and it was a whopping 1 lb more than today. And at THAT appointment (four months ago), he compared the weight before THAT, and it was only a few pounds more. So essentially, I’ve been at the same weight for about 8 months, at least. Yeah, not exactly the “sudden, unexplained weight loss” they worry about.

And I finally (FINALLY) bought some new pants that actually fit, thanks to my mom. It feels so lovely to have clothes that aren’t in serious danger of falling off my body at any moment! (Now to see if this will all change back again as soon as Emmie weans, haha!)