For whatever reason, melanoma seems to be coming back into my life right now. Not literally, I pray to God, but figuratively. In the last week or so, I’ve had to talk about it with several people, in more depth than the usual, “I’m fine now.” One of the people has been another pregnant woman recently diagnosed with melanoma, which I was expecting to be hard, although it hasn’t brought up as much “re-traumatization” as I had feared.
My oncology appointment was anticlimactic, since I have nothing new to report, which is obviously excellent. My do put in the orders for my scans, and my PET scan is already scheduled for June 29th. I’m apparently procrastinating calling to schedule my MRI, but I should do that soon.
I told Peter last night that I’m trying to achieve a very delicate balance with how much I think about cancer, melanoma, and the possibility of recurrence. On one hand, I don’t EVER want to forget the experience and how much it has made me deeply and truly cherish life. I’m so grateful for the “wake-up call” that I desperately needed. On the other hand, I don’t want fear or worry to take over my life, especially when there is nothing more that I can do to change my outcome one way or another.
So I need to figure out how to live with the knowledge that life is delicate, and none of us have any time to waste (since we truly don’t know what will happen to each of us tomorrow), but without letting that awareness cause me unnecessary fear or anxiety.
But maybe that’s basically what we all are aiming for, right?