One year ago, my Thursday was like any other. Patients in the morning, lunch meeting at noon. I got back to my desk from my meeting and glanced at my phone. Six missed calls? 20 minutes apart? Hmm… someone must really be wanting to talk to me. There was only one voicemail, so I listened to that, and as soon as I heard my primary doctor’s voice, I knew that biopsy he took 2 weeks earlier, the one he said “I’m sure it’s fine, but we can take it off anyway,” I knew it wasn’t fine.
I immediately began calling the main Kaiser line and tried to navigate the phone tree. I didn’t have my Kaiser number on hand, so that took even more time to navigate. In the middle of listening to my endless options (none of which were “Talk to my freaking doctor, already”), he called again. Thank God.
He broke the news as compassionately and professionally as he could. Melanoma. I instantly thought of my distant cousin who had died from melanoma a few years earlier. I thought of Alicia, who had died from cancer one year earlier, almost to the day. I instantly thought of my baby, kicking me from within. He gave me the information about the next step. I tried to keep it together, and did until I hung up the phone.
I turned to Sarah and Katherine, who were also working in our small cubby of an office, trying valiantly to pretend like I had some privacy. I said, “I guess I have cancer” and started sobbing. They both did their best to comfort me, but honestly, what can anyone say? I felt for Katherine, who was a student interning with us for only a few months. No training could prepare you to witness a pregnant woman’s diagnosis with cancer.
That moment changed everything. No Thursday would ever be the same.
I was a little worried about the Thursday one year later. Would I have flashbacks? The day of the week almost felt even more momentous than the actual day.
While I consciously created the charity auction to generate good karma and happiness to combat any possible negativity around my diagnosis anniversary, I unconsciously set it to start Thursday. My Unconscious Mind is apparently genius.
Yesterday was one of the most positive, busy and exciting days in a long time. The auctions got off to a phenomenal start, even better than I could have dreamed. I got teary when I saw how generous people were, and I stayed even busier adding more donations generously offered that day.
On top of that, we put in an offer on a house (WOAH). Things are still very much in the negotiation stage, so I don’t want to say too much too soon, but we are excited and hope everything goes through. Maybe this was the “something great” that my brain kept singing about? Too soon to say yet, but I’m hopeful that I can now have a fun and exciting thing to replace the sad and scary anniversaries that so far have marked our recent Aprils.
Thank, a thousand times over, for the ongoing love and generosity of spirit you all have shown us, now and always. We love you.