Warning: random, unconnected thoughts ahead.
Sorry for the relative silence. Lots has been happening, but not much blogged about. Emmie is still in the throes of the 9 month sleep regression, so Peter and I are in survival mode. Every time I think it’s getting better and we might be turning the corner, Emmie decides to prove me wrong. She napped really well yesterday, and slept well from bedtime until 11:30, but then woke again at 1:30, 2 and 2:30, at which point I just stayed up with her and let her crawl (what she wanted the whole time). Thank goodness Peter is on Spring Break, so we can give each other breaks at night and also can nap a bit during the day (although he is currently at work, along with at least 2 other co-workers. People who say teachers have it easy or don’t work as much as other people can bite me).
She now has a fully functional army crawl and is utterly delighted with the ability to see something, and chase it down and get it herself. Jasper is less thrilled, being her favorite target. Luckily, he just gives her a wary glance when she gets too close (or pulls his tail too hard), and gets up to leave when he’s had enough. Such a good boy.
She is eating all kinds of things now. This morning, she fed herself bits of banana, then was spoon fed oatmeal and apples. She also loves yogurt, chicken, leeks, sweet potato and RICE PUFFS. She adores rice puffs. Can’t get enough of them. I think it’s mainly because they are the thing she is most successful at grabbing and putting in her mouth, but they also are the first non-mushy thing she’s ever eaten (meltable solids, FTW!). Last night, she ate the very same thing Peter and I ate for the first time (in a slightly more pureed form). We all had chicken with lentils over rice and she LOVED it. I loved having dinner together as a family. So exciting.
Other news… while I haven’t been posting many new blog posts here, I have been working on transferring old Caring Bridge posts to this new site with the goal of being done by my cancer-versary in a month. Since I’m not even halfway done and have been sort of working on it for about 5 months, we’ll see if I can get it done.
It’s amazing to see where we were then. Right now, I’m up to the point when we were still eagerly awaiting Emmie’s arrival. Amazing to think there was a time when we didn’t know this sweet, incredible little person.
I’ve also been thinking a lot about how to maintain the lessons I’ve learned through everything. There’s no question but that I’ve changed from all of this, but humans are creatures of habit, and I can feel myself slipping back to some of those old habits now that we are no longer living in crisis mode. I was reading this post by Melanoma Mom and thinking about how she says “there is no longer a normal and I can never go back.” It’s so true in so many ways, and yet I also feel the tug of the “normal” after having been away from the crisis for longer than I was in it.
I wonder if the relative brevity of my fight (so far) has anything to do with it. Melanoma Mom and another new blog friend, Alli, both have been in treatment for SO much longer than I was. I wonder if how short our hellish period was will affect the staying power of the perspective I gained. I hope not.